I Want a Do-Over

I don’t have all that many opportunities to be truly ashamed of myself these days, so I guess I should savor this one. Yeah, we were all on vacation, and yeah, you’re an older guy, and yeah, your wife is a lovely person, but I still should have said something suitably withering after your racist joke. Especially since it’s the second year in a row that we’ve happened to be vacationing at the same place at the same time, and you told a similarly racist joke last year. And I’m not sure, because I don’t really appreciate racist jokes, but I don’t think your joke was even a little bit funny, and I’m pretty sure you told it just to make the Easterners feel uncomfortable. Shit, even my daughters know enough to light somebody up if they’re as miserable and racist and assholish as you are. I realize that it would have been super uncomfortable for everyone, and it would have made dinner really tense, and then I’d be the Bad Guy, but goddamit, too many people have put up with too much from douchebags like you. Now I have to spend all year thinking about what I should have done, and trying to come up with the absolutely perfect thing to say next year in the event that we end up in the same place at the same time again. In the meantime, I hope you drive your truck into a ditch and get trampled by bison and your totally nice wife marries a black guy.

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4 Responses to I Want a Do-Over

  1. kiddicus says:

    Oooh! I love those situations, mostly because I am not the calm, calculated type that will bite his tongue.

    Feign a noise in your pocket (or trigger a beep from your phone) and say “oh, I’m sorry, my bigot detector has been overwhelmed. I’ll be a minute while I re-calibrate to ‘racist prick.’” Or, as usually works for me, go with the “wow. I never knew you were such an uneducated shitsmear, you fucking ballmongrel. I hope you get indicted for tax evasion and gang-raped by a herd of black men every day for 10 years.” – though, again, in polite company this can be hard to do without coming off as the bad guy.

  2. Beefy K says:

    How about, “Goodness, if you are going to try to make us feel uncomfortable, can you at least come up with something funny?”

  3. WFNYCraig says:

    It is kind of funny to me that your response to a racist joke is to wish a karmic violent death upon him, while sparing the woman who seemingly knows him best and chose to marry him. Isn’t she at least guilty by association? Although if she is anything like he is then marrying a black guy would seemingly feel like a punishment to her anyway, I guess.

    Important philosophical question though. Do the sins of the husband stain the wife?

  4. kiddicus says:

    if you’re keeping with your ‘one post every two weeks’ agenda, you owe us something by tomorrow morning.

    Just keeping your itinerary, as it seems you’ve been neglecting your internet horde.

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