Patriots Press Conference Template

Coach Bill Belichick: “We won. I’m proud of our players. Our opponents are a real good football team. OK, I’m done being proud of our players.

[Brief silence as reporters get ready to ask questions.]

Belichick: Are we done?

Q: Was it gratifying to see New Player X play well?

Belichick, frowning: New Player X made some plays for us. Everyone played well. There’s still a lot to work on.

Q: Can you talk about what New Player X brings to the team?

Belichick: Not really. No. I’m not really willing to talk about anything. New player X works hard. We think he can make a contribution to the team. That’s why we picked him up. So he could help our team. That’s why we do everything. Stop asking me questions like that.

Q: What was the key to this win?

Belichick: The key to every game is to play well in all three phases of the game. I need to refer to those three phases in every press conference. I just did that, so let’s move on.

Q: The other team’s coach said something before the game. Did that have an impact on how you felt or coached or did anything?

Belichick: The other coach can say whatever he wants. I don’t pay attention. What’s his name again? I don’t actually have a short term memory for anything but actual plays. Did we win?

Q: Yes, you won. How does that feel?

Belichick: It feels like we have to go play Upcoming Team next week. That’s all that matters. Preparing for Upcoming Team.

Q: What about that super tricky play in the third quarter? Did you see something in the films that made you think that would work?

Belichick: Jesus Christ, I *just* covered this. We thought it would help our team. If we thought something else would have helped our team more, we would have done that instead, but we didn’t.

Q: What do you think is the key to next week’s game with Upcoming Team?

Belichick: You’ll be shocked to learn that we need to play well in all three phases of the game. Oh, I totally forgot. I also need to refer to playing 60 minutes of football every week. So we’ll want to do that, too.

Q: You’re ten-and-two now, and have the best record in the conference. Could you talk about where this team fits in the history of Patriots teams? What do you see as your prospects in the post season?

Belichick: Ten wins means nothing. There’s a lot of football left to play. You’re stupid.

[Pause.]

Belichick: OK.

[Leaves podium.]

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